i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
