Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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