either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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