im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
