Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
