I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
