i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
