I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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