I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize