You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
