She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
