you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
