We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
