K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
