worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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