I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
