Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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