I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
