woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
