I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
