My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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