is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
