Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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