Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize