God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
