i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
