I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
