Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize