just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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