My nipple is on Facebook.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
don't judge my taste in strippers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
