So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just want to make out with him forever
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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