We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
