Just fell off a train. Bad.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
