A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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