hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize