hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
