i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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