you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
