The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
