he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize