Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
