my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sarcasm needs its own font
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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