Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
