and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
