My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize