Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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