Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
