Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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