I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
