if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
