Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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