the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's just like the Real World with babies
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
