I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
