I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize