Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I cannot find my penis.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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