your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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