What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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