Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I understand Curling. That high.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
