i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
