How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Found the puke drawer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
