After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
