I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
