He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
