You just made me feel so damn special
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
