That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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